When I was younger - about 16, just before I went to college - I received a comment from a friend that at the time I valued highly. The comment was more or less this -
Jason, you’re always the same, nothing seems to bother you, you just carry on regardless - you’re constant.
I remember where it was, who I was with, and what we were doing. It was a very strong word that stuck with me, and to some degree formed some of my own opinion about myself - up until today.
Today I realised that growing up has changed me. It’s changed me in a number of ways, but one of them has had a more profound effect on my life. And I think it’s the ability to feel passionate with conviction.
This is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because when you’re passionate you find extra energy that you wouldn’t have had otherwise to complete a task or do something you wouldn’t have done before. When you’re passionate you have a greater vision and higher expectation.
On the other side of the coin when you’re passionate for something it means emotions are involved. It means things become very personal because you give more of yourself for something you are passionate about - you have more ownership of what you do because it has vision and wider-ranging implications. So when something bad happens which is contrary to the vision - it hurts more. I feel more when things don’t quite go to plan in the way I had expected.
Since I’ve grown up I’ve managed to find passion for certain things, which has helped to focus my energy into certain things, and helped me put my focus on a future in God’s hands. But at the same time it means that when things happen that hinder that focus, or what I thought was part of the vision (because I’m human my vision of the future isn’t always what God has in mind) I get disheartened very quickly, and very easily.
I get hurt.
The next part of this journey is learning how to not just have a Godly vision for where I’m going to go - but a greater understanding of how God works situations through for the best possible outcome for me.
I wrote a post a few weeks ago (http://jasonmarrett.tumblr.com/post/14496441926/fighting-whom) that helps to demonstrate this clearer. I’m in a boxing match with God - only, it’s a training exercise and I’m never going to come against more than God knows I can withstand.
Living with this in peace and joy and righteousness is a tough call. But by God’s grace I will learn and come out the other side fighting fit.
Only for the King
Jx
