I had a semi-revelationary thought yesterday, it was one of those ‘self-realising’ moments where everyone in the world and their dog has told you the fact, but it means nothing until you realise it yourself. The revelation was this - I’m feeling dissatisfied because my desire is for the wrong thing.

At the moment to be honest  my desire might have started out Godly - that is, with righteous intent, with great intentions to follow God and glorify his name - but right now what it’s turned into is something more selfish, inward looking and narrow - which is anything but Godly.

I’m pretty sure I heard God right, and I’m still pretty sure the outcome is going to be the same - the only difference is how it looks, and what my attitude towards it is. (Don’t worry - I’m being vague about what ‘it’ is on purpose).

My attitude turned from ‘God will have his way’ to ‘God will show his way in the manner I prefer’. Can you spot the difference? Both mention God’s way, but only one of them ACTUALLY means it. Because you see - as soon you put a limit on God, it’s not his way anymore. (There is a part of the christian life where you test God, but it seems this is more as a means to grow faith for a greater end - and again my theology here is sketchy).

So my desire was for ‘God will show his way in the manner I prefer’, is really code-word for selfish ‘My way made to look and sound like God’s way’. And when this happens, my desires are not Godly; they fall short of the person of God, they limit his demonstrating power, they allow for sin and narrow-expectation, and they expose my sin. And here’s the reason why I feel dissatisfied - God blesses us in the way He chooses, which is for His purpose, for His glory, Our good and Our abundance.

How does that work? Like this - when my desires are selfish I will only perceive ‘blessing’ as that which is helpful to my desires, or that which is fulfilling my desire. Then when God blesses me, He does it His way - which more often that not WON’T be in the way I thought - I don’t perceive the blessing because it doesn’t meet my desire. So this leads to me feeling not only dissatisfied but lost, out of touch, like there’s a breakdown in communication somewhere and God’s taking me through a time of ‘dryness’. Then my faith in God dwindles because I don’t see Him working or think He’s far-off or something equally as unlikely. Essentially - a selfish desire is calling God a liar, and presents a negative image of God to ourselves.

Then what? Well, we need to change our desire - at least the format of the desire. We need to be open to what God has got. We need to take God at His word, His promises to us His children and hold on to these with everything we have. When we trust that God is who He says He is, and have our desire that is His - that is, after His own heart - then something remarkable happens - we SEE and TASTE the blessing.

God is always working. Creation is always shouting God’s praise and demonstrating his glory. The difference between a selfish desire and Godly desire is our perception - when our perception is Godly we SEE what God is doing, and we TASTE the blessing he gives us every minute of every day (you’re breathing right? Then you’re being blessed. FACT).

We get a double blessing because not only are we seeing and perceiving God’s blessing, but because our hearts are turned to Him and our desires are his, he blesses even more! When I take my mind off what I want and onto God, my desire will become His and in turn my desire is fulfilled and exceeded because God is a God who gives good gifts to his children.

So when our Desire becomes His desire, our perception is that our God is a God who blesses and loves his creation with everything He has. God hasn’t changed - our perception has. It’s about becoming more like Jesus. It’s about submitting plans, procedures, thoughts, ideas to God and allowing him to write the script. We all know the basic storyline - I’m a sinner, and because of my relationship with Jesus I am saved by grace and live a life of power in the Holy Spirit - the only difference is the actual story is different for everyone.

I don’t want to limit God’s storyline for my life - I mean, I’m human, mortal, I have a FINITE mind. God has an inifinte mind and thus - I’m sure he can write a much better storyline for my life than I ever could.

Desire God’s story. It’s better. Fact.

Only for the King

Jx