Chapter by chapter

I’ve heard a few people recently (close friends of mine, very close friends) that have equated Marriage (biblically, Christian marriage) as Sex. So, I’m going to put this out there - it’s not.

So, why not? A lot of people are taught - even me - that when you have sex with someone you are effectively in God’s eyes married to them because you have shared not only a physical relationship but a spiritual relationship. So therefore, Marriage = Sex. Unfortunately, they miss out a heck of a lot about what marriage actually is. Usually it’s well-intending youth group leaders who are trying to combat the ‘sex outside of marriage’ problem among their youth, and trying to make it simple. And in so doing, they forget to teach them later the application in full. As a result, sometimes I feel the generation I’m in have a weak understanding of what Marriage is, and therefore a weak understanding of what Sex is.

When we understand what Marriage is, THEN we can understand what Sex is.

Even in the beginning, God didn’t say ‘multiply, then you’ll be together’. The commandment to multiply came after the creation of Eve FOR Adam - this means, God has created us for relationship, and as a result of this we have the physical and spiritual and emotional fulfilment of Sex (also, God is in the business of multiplication, I like to think God didn’t just mean multiply ‘physically’, but multiply ‘spiritually’ and emotionally the ties between Adam and Eve aswell).

Marriage is also a massive blessing that God has given his church - it’s part of what is known as Common Grace (the doctrine of God’s amazing love overflowing onto ALL humanity, not just his chosen people). Because we are made in the image of God, Marriage is an image of what happens in Heaven. It is between Jesus, and the Church. Jesus is the bridegroom, the Church the bride. Throughout the Old Testament we hear sexual references of Israel (that is God’s people, Christians) being ‘unfaithful’ to God by worshipping other idols. And in the New Testament we hear of Wedding Feasts to celebrate the marriage.

Now, God has made us for Himself. If being Married = having Sex, then according to our idolatry of other gods/idols, we are married to them. But then doesn’t this make God a liar? If He made us for Himself in marriage, and marriage is sex, and we’ve already had sex with other people - are we not then married to them and not to God? Which then means that God didn’t make us just for Him. So therefore something’s wrong - and as it’s not God, it shows that God’s idea of marriage supercedes simply having sex with someone.

In Matthew 19 Jesus’ teaching on divorce helps us also see what he thought about Marriage. Im going to put 2 points very simply - 1) if Marriage = Sex, and you can’t have sex outside of Marriage, when can you have sex? 2) ‘The two become one flesh…’ when people have sex, physically, I don’t see one less person after, there’s still two people there - the world doesn’t lose people in the act of sex. So, God must be meaning something more than just the physical union of Sex (I’m expecting two things here - that people will pick up on ‘I don’t see one less person after’ and make a joke about me being a peeping Tom, and secondly that Sex is also spiritual - it totally also is spiritual, but speaking as above we still put the ‘physical’ act of sex before the ‘spiritual’, ever heard anyone say ‘I spiritually had sex with that person, and then we made love?’ Even when people talk of sex being ‘physical and spiritual’ they often mean the spiritual is initiated by the physical, which is kinda wrongly-ordered as we’ll see now).

Also Jesus says that ‘What therefore God has joined together let not man seperate’. And again putting it simply, if having sex outside of marriage is a sin, and you have sex outside of marriage will God bless you with marriage because of your sin? Marriage is something that God puts together, not Man.

Sex happens after Marriage. It consummates Marriage. It is the manifestation of Marriage. But it itself is not Marriage. I think that True Sex in the biblical way is not just the physical act, but the spiritual act of giving yourself. This is a choice. You can have sex and choose not to give yourself emotionally - this is where the current culture is at. Culture has seperated the two from each other (after-thought - God calls lots of the other idols in the bible ‘prostitues’, the idea that you can pay for Sex. Looking at it here I think is very profound because prositution is a superficial sex - you pay for it, get your instant graification, and then nothing more. Sex in God’s eyes is different because there is the relational element - the Marriage element). The idea that when you have sex and somehow accidentally give your spirit to someone I think is a bad reflection on how we handle intent and understand ‘giving’ - I’m still thinking this point through thoroughly, so sorry if it seems half-finished.

True Sex has at the heart of has ‘giving’, you become a ‘living sacrifice’, a ‘servant’. As we are with God, so we should be with our spouse - not in an idolatry way, but in a way that acknowledges that through love and because of love we can give of ourselves to the other person - as an act of worship TO God. And this giving and serving doesn’t come BECAUSE of Sex, Sex comes as a result of the giving and the serving before hand - this is what Marriage is. Marriage is the continual process of giving, serving, loving, caring, worshipping together with, understanding, and growing - and out of this comes the Sex that I think God understand as True Sex

One of the things we used to talk about in my house was - when you’re married, can you have sex with worship music on? I think if your answer is ‘no’, then your sex is not the view that God had in mind. Just an interesting thought really.

There’s my recent fumblings. Some of you will disagree. Then cool, talk to me and tell me why I’m wrong.

Also some of you may comment that - Hey Jason, you’re single, what gives you the right to tell me about marriage/sex? Well, it’s the bible. And God’s truth is God’s truth no matter who says it. I lack experience, but I aim to understand as much as I can beforehand.

Only for the King

Jx